every word of it.

For this New Year’s Eve, I packed my bags and headed east to the great city of Miami Beach.

So this is what happened from December 30th to January 4th

Travel

That jerk off just had to try and blow his dick off before my trip. And what’s that? David Finfrock is predicting Freezing Fog the morning of the flight. What’s happening? Why am I being punished for wanting to go on vacation?

Well, it turns out that the universe isn’t out to get me, things went smoothly. There was no ice that morning, and security wasn’t any more of a hassle than it usually is. And apparently there was even some sort of airport lockdown on the Tuesday I returned.

Hotel

The Chesterfield Hotel is a ‘not good’ hotel. The “deluxe suite” was just a larger than average room. I’m pretty sure the lighting was dim so that way you wouldn’t realize how dirty the room is. The staff, front desk and cleaning, did the minimum work required. And the bathroom shower was terribly unsatisfying.

Would I stay there again?

Depends. If I was going on business, no. If I was going for pleasure, maybe. It would depend on the type of pleasure. Because what the Chesterfield has going for it is location, location, location. And the front stoop.

The Chesterfield is where you want to be in South Beach. You’re on Collins one block away from the beach, Wet Willie’s, Pizza Rustica, and Groovy’s Pizza. And the Stoop? It was the place to be in South Beach from December 30th to January 4th.

The Stoop

It deserves it’s own subheading. The Stoop was essential to a fun trip. It’s where we would go after a long day or at the start of a long day. Hell, even during the long day. You could relax with drink in hand, people watch, and lime. And when the weather turned, it got you out of the wind (mostly).

James

We made the Stoop ours, but really it belonged to James.

One night Drona came back late and thought he saw one of use sleeping in the Stoop. But nope, we were in the room. Who was this mysterious stranger?

The next night, I looked out the window and saw Nikko, Surren, and someone else sleeping in the chair. I asked Drona if Nikko and Surren had made a new friend, but nope it was that same mysterious stranger.

The next day, it rained. When we returned to the hotel, the mysterious stranger had returned. But this time during the day. That’s when Surren noticed that he had a Lebron James jersey.

He was a stranger no more. He had a name, James.

But he was on our Stoop. So we had to move to the other side.

NYE

For New Year’s Eve, I had made no plans. I figured, it couldn’t be too difficult to have fun in South Beach. So after wandering around Ocean Drive, we found ourselves at The Clevelander. And it was a fun night. There were 4 venues – ground floor, lounge on 2nd, roof of building 1, and roof of building 2. I heard Black Eyed Peas – Tonight three times, but I didn’t let that get me down.

A personal highlight: I took a piss while smoking a cigar. Awesome!

Food

What did I enjoy eating the most? If you guessed cuban sandwiches, you’re wrong. It was Pizza Rustica and Groovy’s Pizza. They were both open 24/7 and both delicious. If I had to choose, I would go Rustica. But it was nice to have them both. That way you wouldn’t get tired of pizza. Too much Rustica, go to Groovy’s. Too much Groovy’s, go to Rustica. You can’t lose.

I also enjoyed La Moon, Colombian food in downtown. It was after a long day of seeing the Heat suck it up and wandering downtown, and the Crazy Chicken Moon Burger was astounding. It was a chicken breast combined with breakfast stuffed in a hamburger bun.

Sunglasses

I have a nice pair of Ray Ban’s. I only wear them when I’m driving. I don’t really have a use for them otherwise. I didn’t take them to Florida because I didn’t want to break or lose them. After all, they’re a really nice pair of Ray Ban’s. I figured when I got there, I would buy a knock off pair if I needed any shade.

Turns out, sunglasses are a necessity in Miami. It’s the sun. It’s everywhere. I ended up buying a cheap pair of aviator’s and later breaking them.

Nikko bought a nice pair of Ray Ban’s. He didn’t lose or break them.

Art

I wasn’t going to South Beach for culture, but culture found me.

Close to our hotel was The Wolfsonian. No, it’s not The Smithsonian from an alternate universe where wolves rule the Earth. But it’s a rather nice design museum. My favorite thing I saw was a Ford ad from the middle of the 20th century. Unfortunately I didn’t take a picture. But here’s a toaster:

Art also pounces on you when you’re shopping. In the Lincoln Road Mall, the city had an artist studio/gallery. Apparently the city rents studio space. And you’re free to walk in. Just look at this guy using an eMac.

I bet he’s brilliant.

And in the gallery they were featuring Romero Britto. I’m pretty sure he’s the official artist of Miami. His work is all over the city when you look at signs and sculptures. It’s fun

Fudge

I love fudge. Fudge from Trinidad that is. Regular “American” fudge is okay, but it’s not Trinidadian fudge.

I was quite surprised to find Trinidad fudge in Swiss candy store on Lincoln Road Mall. So surprised and delighted, I bought 2 lbs of it. You can too, they sell it online.

Frommer’s

Frommer’s is shit. Why? This sentence

“Opened in 2005 by 70-year-old-grandmother Naomi Wilzig, the museum features Wilzig’s collection of more than 4,000 pieces of erotic art, including Kama Sutra temple carvings from India, peek-a-boo Victorian figurines that flash their booties, and a prop from the sexual thriller A Clockwork Orange.”

Sexual Thriller? A Clockwork Orange? Sexual Thriller = A Clockwork Orange?

Let Downs (and hanging around)

No cart food. I was kinda hoping there’d be cart food. There are tons of West Indians in Florida. I wanted to buy some doubles. Missed business opportunity.

No guys selling Roy Ban’s and Folex’s on the beach. I wanted to be iced out. But there was no one. You go on vacation to the beach, you kinda expect people to be selling counterfeit goods. You’re crushing dreams Miami Beach.

Conclusion

Would I go back? Most definitely. I’m owed more beach time. It got cold and that wasn’t fair. It isn’t supposed to dip down into the 40s in South Beach.